Thoughts on Confidence and Starting an Arts Career
These thoughts go out to all the people with confidence issues! There are only two things you will ever need in life: confidence and, perhaps, a bit of money. Confidence is what helps you do that one (or multiple) scary thing a day. She says “focus on the good that could happen, rather than the bad”. The point is: know you’re rockin’ and don’t care what other people think. Mostly they keep it to themselves anyways. As for money, you don’t need a ton of it to reach your dreams. As an artist, I learned to be crafty and scrappy to make things work.
My theory is that confidence or a lack of it is a learned behaviour. I know this to be true through personal experiences. All my life people have felt the need to tell me “You need to be more confident”. This is a well-intentioned sentiment, but it doesn’t grasp the root of the issue. To find that root takes a lot of emotional work. In order for my confidence to break free, I had to realize some hard truths about my family and my childhood.
Observing my friends interact with their parents, I noticed one key difference between their family and mine. Whether they were asking for a sleepover, a tattoo, or deciding on post-secondary, a lot of my friends’ parents would respond with positivity, encouragement, and respect. I learned very quickly that my parents were not interested in questions, comments, or concerns. I stopped asking questions and shared minimal details of my life as a form of self-protection. Not all the blame falls on my parents; they did their best. However, the way a parent treats their child will affect the child’s development. Do you want your child to be confident or inherit your self-loathing?
My lack of confidence kept me caged. I clung to my job in retail as it was my safety net. The job made my family happy, but it was killing me slowly. I had silent panic attacks at work every day. I let my desire to people please rule my life, until one day I had enough. That’s when I decided to quit wasting my time at the grocery store. I freed myself and that’s when I felt full confidence in my ability to be a full time artist. Once you shut down the self-doubt, it’s game over for anyone who wants to keep you down.
Money and the amounts of it you should, would, or could have is pointless to obsess over. No matter the balance of your bank account, it shouldn’t be a barrier for the beginning of your career. However, if you’re truly strapped for cash and need to pay bills, definitely keep a day job because careers in the arts take a long time to build (aka you work for free for a while). After the grocery store I found a day job as a music teacher. Definitely look for a teaching position at local stores and businesses. There’s a higher demand than you might expect. After school dance or theatre programs, gymnastic clubs, dance/music/art schools, community centres. These positions are not posted on the job websites. The old fashioned bring in your resume or email your resume will be much more successful.
Grants this, and business loans that: you’re going to end up funding a lot of projects yourself. This quote from The Death of the Artist sums up my point: “The good news is you can do it yourself. The bad news is you have to” (Deresiewicz 57). The funding, the fundraising, the production, the marketing, the design, etc. Unless you have an amazing community supporting you (or you’re rich), everything will be done by you. It sucks giving away labour for free, but such is the fate of artists in 2024. Start small and work on projects in your price range. Ideally you can scale up as revenue starts to flow in. Additionally, as you start to produce work, you may become eligible for grants.
Some of this I have learned through books, videos, and articles. Some of this I have learned through experience. Mostly, this is what I say to comfort myself! Be confident. Dare to put yourself out there and let the world love you. The connections you make in real life will boost your career further than any video you post online. Keep a day job that doesn’t make you want to rip your eyelashes out. This is the first step down the path of success. Walk with me?
Deresiewicz, William. The Death of the Artist. New York, Henry Holt and Company, July 28th 2020.
